Soon
by CrystalStarrHunter
Summary: Ship; Destiel Summery; Castiel hides his secret feelings for the brave, beautiful, human Dean as he becomes God- but dreams of what could have been persist as dark twists emerge from Cas's new powers. Before; Told in flashbacks, Dean and Cas fight for their lives and sanity as all hell breaks loose. Warnings; Chapter 1 contains teaser sex including a handjob Beware the sap.
1. Chapter 1

And as I fell, I felt Dean's arms around me. Steadying me. And no matter how much we denied it or how little I deserved it, he wasn't rushing to my side to save the world. He was helping me. He was there for me. Like he told me once, long ago, when I was a better person,

"Cas, I don`t care where you fall and I don`t care why, hell I don`t care if you jumped. I`m gonna be there to catch you. We do dumb shit, Cas, its our specialty. Its called life. And if you go down, you can bet your ass I`m goin' with you. Y`know Cas…" he gave me a very… Dean look. His eyes looked greener then they should have, considering the near-absence of light in the impala, parked outside the motel.

"I think I`m in serious danger of kissing you right now."

"Dean.." I looked into his eyes and saw the truth there- he wasn't joking. "I think… I think I would like that."

I saw his lips mouth, "Really" but never knew if he said the word out loud because the next moment his lips where on mine, his hands in my hair and tongue in my mouth, my hands on the back of his head, because god I wanted every delicious bit of that kiss, of him, leaning over my armrest and seeing how far down his throat my tongue could go.

After a while we eased up a bit, and he moved his mouth to the corner of mine, both of us still stealing kisses or love bites whenever possible.

"Didja learn that from the pizza man?" Dean muttered, kneading my lip hungrily. "Shut up." I moved my hand to his cheek and pushed his mouth onto mine. i pushed deeper, wanting him to do this with me again, wanting him to do more with me.

I found myself pushing the armrest out of my way, swinging my leg over to his other side, straddling him and leaning his seat back, then continued to kiss him. I laid his head back on the seat, gnawing his lips and tongue and grinding my pelvis into his, loving the feeling of him hardening so quickly. The feeling of knowing what we would do. What we would do tonight. I felt my self hardening against his thighs, and reached down to undo his jeans, feeling him go erect at my touch. I slipped my hand in and wrapped my hand around him, and he broke away, gasping, "Ah, Cas, don`t. I`m - you`re gonna make me-" I covered his mouth with my own. "Dammit Cas" he managed, then moaned through my lips as I began to jerk him off.

God if this is a dream or a sin don`t save me and don`t ever wake me up.

He fiddled with my belt for a moment before simply cutting it off. He slid his hands around my back, and down into my waistband and into my briefs, and I felt him release into my hand as he moaned in ecstasy. "Dean, take me. Dean…" I held my breath as he inched my slacks down, stilling with my mouth around his lower lip. He hadn't gotten far when someone manged hard on the roof of the car. "Hey Dean? You gonna sleep in there?" Sam opened the passenger door and blinked as we quickly retracted our hands from the many inappropriate places they'd ended up in. I rolled off of him and sat uncomfortably in the passenger seat. Sam simply turned and walked away. I motioned for dean to follow, suddenly awkward now that we where sitting here like nothing happened and wondering if maybe we'd been dreaming.

He took my face in his hands then, and I brought my hands up to hold loosely onto his forearms. he kissed me, gently, and chastely, but i enjoyed the sweetness and a sudden thought hit me- Dean. Winchester. Dean Winchester! Dean fucking Winchester (emphasis on fucking) just kissed me. And it wasn't lust in the kiss. I don't know what it was but it was new and different and it left me sitting dumbfounded long after he jogged off after Sam.

And i only then registered the last word, the promise. "Soon."


	2. Chapter 2

I felt Dean righting me, and I stood, thinking of Dean. "Soon" had never happened. Shit got weird, the shit hit the fan, and everything went to hell. There wasn't time. Then came the pain, and the cold, and the fall. I knew I was dead. But it wasn't peaceful. I had hurt Dean so much- Dean, and Sam and Bobby, and everyone else I had learned to care about.

 _I had to make it up to them_.

I had to. I felt Dean's hands on me, but not on _me_ , and heard his distant denial, "Well, maybe angels don't need to breath."

That hit me like a brick- after all the pain and the betrayal and the broken unspoken promises, he wanted me alive. He still loved the angel who broke his heart. Yes love. In death you throw aside all your well-intentioned silent denials and all your modesty and all your lies, and you see the love and see all the different ways it could go. You weep for all the times you could have kissed him, all the times you could have told him or shown him or showed yourself and all the mistakes he forgave you for.

"Cas, you child. Why didn't you listen to me?!"

I felt it, as primal as a drowning man breaking the surface. I gasped in air, still so cold.

So cold.

I looked up at Dean, watched shock and elation and anger and confusion and every other emotion passing through his green, green eyes.

"I will make it up to you. I promise." I watched Dean dismiss my vow and understood the pain there. I and Dean understand each other better than anyone else, even Sam, who'd become like a brother to me and had known Dean for all his life. And I knew how much it must hurt for me to throw that away, even for all the power in the world.

Thats when i felt it- the power. But I knew the truth now. The power was evil, the power changed me in ways that twisted my love, beautifol and sinful and hidden deep under my fear and modesty and too many layers of clothes, into lust and thirst and hunger and nonchalence. Changed me into someone else, someone i hated. Someone Dean hated.

"Leviathans!"


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys! I do realise i did not intro or describe my first two chapters at all, i will fix that later. This was supposed to be just Castiel's POV throughout the God!Cas episodes, but in what was supposed to be a brief flashback I ended up with a great big load of very gay teaser smut. Oops. Oh, well, so this is now a split between present-day DND (death and destruction) and random flashbacks of happier times, which it really did need. I promise there will be actual smut later, IF SMUT ISN'T YOUR THING I will specify at the beginning where you should stop. If it is, enjoy. Sorry if the random sappy feels ruin it for you, I can't help myself.

So,

 **Ship;** Destiel, probably Sabriel at some point.

 **Full summery;** Castiel hides his secret feelings for the brave, beautiful, human Dean as he becomes God- but dreams of what could have been persist as dark twists emerge from Cas's new powers.

 **Chapter summery;** Cas loses his memory, beware the sap and angst.

 **Before;** Told in flashbacks, Dean and Cas fight for their lives and sanity as all hell breaks loose in their already-fragile world. Alone-time is strictly limited, but their true feelings only grow.

 **Warnings;** Chapter 1 contains teaser sex, including lots of tongue, a handjob (including orgasm); later chapters will contain sex, specific types to be announced, most certainly buttsex, Dean probably topping. Also shit nobody really cares about, plenty of cursing, death, gay guys and occasional disgusting sappiness.

 **HERE WE GO**

 _Am I dead? Am I dreaming?_

 _Am I remembering?_

 _And he's there. I can see the way he is smiling now- not how he smiles at those girls. Softer, and truer, and infinitely more beautiful. I'm aware, naturally, that I am not beautiful. He can do that to you- make you feel so happy because he's_ looking _at you, and so hopeless that he will ever give you anything more. So beautiful in his eyes, so twisted in your own. He's giving you so little and you don't even begin to deserve it._

 _And I drag myself out of that water, toward him, aware that I am nude, that I am shaking, that I am not getting any closer._

 _What is his name? That beautiful human with the laughing eyes. Human? Am I not human? What am I? Who am I? Why... why am I here, on this riverbank, wet and naked?_

 _Why do I fell this guilt? Why..._

 _My questions are lost in his eyes. Those eyes are all that matters. Wet with tears... Why is he crying? I fall, but pull myself up. I need those emerald eyes, I need that beauty and that feeling of his full, rich, unbelievably soft lips on mine, I need to whisper to him that I am sorry._

 _I'm sorry. I never stopped loving you._

 _I fell victim to power and fell from your eyes. I watched your tears fall and turned away, wiping away my own. But I never stopped loving you._

 _Please. Forgive me, my friend, but don't forget me._

 _Dean?_

 _Dean..._

Cas feels a hand on his sholder and turns, lets the young woman wrap him in a blanket, letting her lead him away.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. What's your name?"

Castiel turned back, feeling a pull, feeling a distinct urge to run back, farther up the bank, to a familiar car and...

"I don't know." He turned firmly away, brushing aside the haunting, fleeting comfort of that car and other, hazel, eyes. Green ones, a man's voice, saying, _I'll catch you._ Those eyes... Cas kept walking and let the comfort of the woman's hand on his sholder replace the memories.

 _Don't forget me... Dean._


	4. Chapter 4

**Soon, Chapter 4**

 **Ship;** Destiel, Sabriel

 **Full Summary;** Castiel hides his secret feelings for the brave, beautiful, human Dean as he becomes God- but dreams of what could have been persist as dark twists emerge from Cas's new powers.

 **Chapter Summary;** Dean deals with Castiel's appearant death, in his own way.

 **Before;** Told in flashbacks, Dean and Cas find love and comfort in each other without sex.

 **Warnings;** EVERYONE IS GAY, fluff, lotsa feels, some light kissing, angsty angst all round.

Dean took a deep, shuddering breath, burying his face in the rough, dirty material for the scent of his lost friend.

Friend? Dean almost laughed at himself. He had loved Cas. Why hadn't he said it? Hell, he had kissed him, had had every intention of having him right in the car. How different would things be then? He stopped to think, then. What if Sam had not noticed him gone and shown up when he did? What if he had sex with Cas?

Maybe, just maybe, it would have changed something. But, all those awkward, secret and yet unbearably sweet kisses and all the times Dean had clasped his hand under the table had changed nothing. He was being stupid. Sex was nothing, that night in the car and their bodies pressed together and lust-blown eyes- that was never going to change anything. It was all the things Dean had never explained, never admitted, never told Cas.

All the times he, indirectly and accidentally, made Cas feel like he had to fix everything. All the times Dean never said, Any world with you is perfect, Cas. He was thinking it, he was dreaming it, he was hinting and nuancing and hiding but he never just _said_ it.

He never said, "I love you."

He felt tears burning in his eyes as he hugged the trenchoat to his chest, breathing in the scent of water and mud and leviathin. And under it all, the light, musky-sweet smell of Cas, leaves and heaven and aftershave. He couldn't wash it, not ever. Stiff from the water and the mud, and his own secret tears to boot, but it still smells faintly of his best friend and whatever-else-they-where, so he keeps it. Sammy doesn't ask.

He remembered chasing down his brother after he walked in on Cas and Dean with their hands down each other's pants.

"Sam! Sammy. Uh, hey." He swallowed, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Uh, yeah. Hey." Sam seemed just as uncomfortable, looking down at the pavement.

"Well," He cleared his throat. "You sorta, um-"

"Yeah, I inturrupted... you guys... yeah, Dean, it's fine. You can..." He guestured back at the impala.

"No, I mean, thanks but, I just wanna... get something straight."

"Okay."

"Okay... _That,_ " He guestured behind him. "Has _never_ happened before."

"Uh..."

"With a guy. I mean, yeah, that was... new."

"Okay. So you're not... I mean _usually_... gay."

"No. No, I'm not. Usually." He cleared his throat again.

"So, it's just Cas."

"Yeah. I mean, no!" He added quickly. "I'm not sleeping with him. That just sorta... happened."

"Really? 'Cause it looked like you knew what you where doing."

"Sam?!" He stopped walking to give his brother a glare.

"Yeah, okay, okay. It's just... You know it's not like it's news to anyone."

"Okay, yeah, _what_?"

"Dude, you guys are having eye sex, like, 90 percent of the day."

Dean groaned.

"We sorta guessed, Dean."

"Well, _I_ didn't!"

"You didn't _notice_ you guys keep _staring_ at each other? Like, all day?"

"Shuddup."

"But dude, seriously, free leave. You can go back and, uh, do whatever."

"Nah, it's... okay. I've gotta sleep, and seriously, I'd be afraid you where lookin' in the window, tryin' to see his ass."

"Rest assured, Dean, I am good. Hey Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"So, we're good?"

"Uh, yup. Yeah, we're good. I'm gonna crash."

He had gone to their room, only to find Cas sitting in a chair by his bed.

"Hello, Dean." He glanced at Sam. "Hello, Sam." A faint, and, Dean thought secretly, adorable blush crept up his neck.

"Hey, man, we're good. Whatever that was, it's fine."

"Thank you." He glanced down, then up at Dean, who gave him a small, awkward smile.

"Hey, I'm gonna shower. You guys talk, make out, whatever. Just, uh, keep your clothes on, okay?" He flashed them a smile and grabbed a towel.

Cas cleared his throat uncomfortably, and for the first time Dean fully realised how endearing his awkwardness was to him.

"Hey. Uh, is it okay if I kiss you?" He gave him another grin.

"You are always welcome to kiss me, Dean." He told him with his usual directness.

Dean rolled his eyes fondly and pulled Cas into him by the lapels of his trenchcoat. Man, for a virgin angel, Cas was a damn good kisser.

When they pulled back, Cas looked at Dean, again with the puzzled, innocent look that made Dean want to hold him and rock him and feed him soup and never let anything hurt him.

"I still have to get used to that."

Dean cocked an eyebrow at him.

"I enjoy that very much more than I enjoy anything else I can think of at the moment."

Dean had to laugh, shaking his head. "Buddy, the feeling's mutual."

"I'm happy to hear that, Dean." Cas grinned back and Dean put a hand on his knee.

"Hey, Cas... In the car and everything, uh, I mean when we can, sometime when it's not so crazy..."

Cas chuckled, putting his hand on Dean's. "Dean, I had my hand in your pants. I would... _very_ much like to have sex with you."

Dean laughed with him, enjoying the warmth of Cas's hand combined with the heat of his leg. He leaned in to kiss him again, wrapping his arm around his neck and fisting some of the rough fabric on his back. Cas's other hand snuck under his arm and around his shoulder, tracing Enochian on his neck, arm and torso.

Dean loved the feeling of being wrapped in him, breathing in his scent and feeling his finger lightly brushing his skin. He let himself melt into him, let lis tense, worried muscles relax as he moved his lips to Cas's neck and muttered, "Hey Cas?"

"Yes, Dean?"

"What do you do at night?" He brushed his lips against Cas's neck with every word.

"Normally... I find somewhere to sit until morning."

"Stay with me, then."

"Yes, Dean. I will." He smiled.

(insert song Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol)

When Sam returned, Dean was on his side, face buried in Castiel's chest. His trenchcoat and tie where laying on the chair, and he had an arm around Dean, petting his hair tenderly.

"Uh..."

"Shuddup Sammy." Dean muttered and both Sam and Cas grinned.

If they stayed this freaking adorable, Sam wasn't going to mind sharing his brother at all.

THANKS FOR READING (though it's probably just you, pandagirl. 3 u anyway)


	5. Chapter 5

**Full summery;** Castiel hides his secret feelings for the brave, beautiful, human Dean as he becomes God- but dreams of what could have been persist as dark twists emerge from Cas's new powers.

 **Chapter summery;** Cas comes back, Dean missed him, smut (finally!)

 **Before;** Told in flashbacks, Dean and Cas fight for their lives and sanity as all hell breaks loose in their already-fragile world. Alone-time is strictly limited, but their true feelings only grow.

 **Warnings;** Smut, rimming, buttsex, Dean topping, awkward Sam. Also shit nobody really cares about, plenty of cursing, death, gay guys and occasional disgusting sappiness.

FEAST YOUR SENSES

Dean stood there shocked, staring into blue eyes, beautiful blue eyes that always looked a little sad, even when he smiled. Cas looked back at him, studying the green of his eyes intently. Before either of them knew it or found time to be surprised, they where kissing, hard, and Cas was pressed against the wall, the fabric of Dean's shirt bunched in his hands as he pulled Dean into him.

"I missed you." Dean's voice was husky and his lips where working on Castiel's jaw.

"I would have if I remembered you..." His voice was strained as Dean teased the sensitive skin on his neck. Dean bit softly on his collarbone and he moaned, tugging on Dean's hair slightly.

"Shit Cas." Dean muttered against his skin as Cas leaned his head back, then he went to work on his stubbled chin and smoother neck, kissing and gnawing at the newly exposed skin. Cas moaned again, and Dean pressed his hips into his, sending shoots of pleasure through him. Dean gave him a cocky grin as he muttered, "Oh, fuck."

"Angelic of you." Dean rolled his hips a bit, teasing him, and Cas grunted and pushed back, while capturing Dean's lips with his own. He pushed Dean back on the bed and Dean let him, and he locked his knees around one of Dean's and continued kissing him.

Dean twisted his fingers lightly in the senitive hair on the back of Cas's neck, feeling his gentle insistance and smiled through his lips. He'd really missed Cas.

He moved his lips down to Cas's collarbone again, sucking a hickey.

"Sam is going to see that."

"So he can stay off my angel." Dean grinned up at him and made another one, lower.

Cas tugged at the hem of Dean's tee shirt, and Dean pulled it off before pushing Cas's trenchcoat off his shoulders, then unbuttoning his vest and dress shirt.

"You wear too much." muttered Dean as Cas pressed his now-bare chest into his, fiddling with his belt.

"My apologies."

God, he was beautiful.

He pulled off Dean's belt and undid his jeans, as Dean (once again) cut off his belt rather than undo it.

"I had _two belts_ , Dean." Cas pretended to sulk.

"I'll buy you a new one." Dean smiled as he saw Cas's tie thrown back over his shoulder, leaning over him with his hair even messier than usual from Dean's fingers.

Dean started to pull on Cas's waistband but Cas stopped suddenly, glancing back over his shoulder.

"Isn't Sam supposed to come back soon?"

"Son of a bitch." Dean groaned in protest as Cas rolled off of him. "Fine. Gimme." He took the tie as Cas raised an eyebrow. He walked over to the door, opening it long enough to hang the tie loosely over the doorknob. Cas took a moment to watch Dean's muscles moving in perfect coordination, his jeans hanging low on his gorgeous hips and undone, his hard-on obvious. He threw a wink back at Cas and he grinned back.

Dean walked back to the bed and crawled to lean over Cas, kissing him again, slowly savoring. He slipped off Cas's dress pants and briefs as Cas hooked his fingers in Dean's belt. Now Cas was nude, laying under Dean. Dean moved down his body, planting kisses in a trail. He was hooking Cas's legs over his shoulders before he realized what he was doing.

"S-shit..." Cas hissed as Dean's tongue found him, and _God_ , Dean was too good at this. Cas tried to hold still, leaning his head back and reveling in the pleasure and where on _earth_ did Dean learn to do that? His tongue was working around Cas's hole and Cas moaned, fisting the sheets. Dean's tongue hit the right spot and Cas damn near _whimpered_ , and Dean did it again, teasingly.

"Dean... You're too good at this." Cas managed, moaning again as Dean sat back, grinning at him. "Shut up, Dean."

Dean moved up over him again, kissing him and pulling down his own jeans. His hair was messy, his pupils lust-blown and he was rock-hard above him.

He lined himself up and leaned forward to kiss Cas before he thrust into him and Cas moaned loudly, vaguely wondering if the honeymoon couple in the next room could hear him. Dean thrust again, and all semblance of coherant thought left him as he moaned Dean's name, running his hands up and down his muscled back.

Dean was thrusting harder before Cas could register that he'd asked him to. He looked as far gone as Cas, flushed and sweaty, leaning down to kiss him, open-mouthed and messy and delicious, and Cas moaned even louder when Dean's hand found his cock.

"Dean... I... am going to..."

"Do it." Dean breathed above him, and Cas came, loudly, at the same time Dean did.

Dean pulled out and collapsed facedown on the bed beside him, and Cas took a moment to admire his ass. Dean reached over the side of the bed for his tee shirt to clean the both of them up as they both caught their breath.

"That was..."

"In need of a do-over, maybe." Dean finished.

Cas squinted for a moment before catching Dean's meaning and laughing quietly. Dean grabbed the blanket and covered them both, throwing a leg over both of Cas's and an arm around his waist. "No angel crap. You stay right here."

"Yes, Dean." Cas rested comfortably against Dean's chest, feeling his breathing slow down. "Hey, Cas?"

"Yes?"

"Well I figured something out a long time ago. I don't know why I didn't say it then and I'm saying it now 'cause I'm too spent to chicken out." He swallowed and looked at him, his beautiful green eyes shining.

"You know I love you, man. So stop, okay? Stop it with the sacrificing yourself and the guilt and self-esteem issues. I need you here, okay?"

"Dean, hunting is your job and... protecting you is mine. We can't promise anything."

"Just, don't do anything you don't have to do. Alright? Stop dying, _please_."

"Dean, I can say all of those things to you. You worry about Sam and I and forget about yourself. We want you here with us. I love you, you know that, and I need you to take your own advice."

Dean looked away, and Cas tried to read his expression.

"Okay. Alright, it's a deal. We'll both stay alive for a bit." Dean grinned at him.

Cas smiled back.

Sam had been researching some type of ghost in the motel lobby, not wanting to get involved in what was probably a fight in the motel room. He was trudging through yet another wikipedia article when a young couple walked by laughing. He glanced up, and when the woman saw she whispered something to the man the made them both chuckle again.

Sam distinctly heard the word, "Threesome."

He hurried over, recognizing them as the newlyweds next door.

"Uh, hey, what, what's going on?" He looked between the two.

"Your friends are, uh, having a _lot_ of fun."

Sam cocked his head, before blinking and stepping back a bit. "Oh! You- you mean they're-" He pointed back at the motel room.

"Yeah, loudly." The man shook his head, holding back his laugh for poor Sam's benefit.

"Ugh, I left them in the same room together..." Sam ran a hand through his hair, sighing heavily. "Are- are they... done?"

"Yeah..." The woman turned and walked off, calling, "Good luck!"

After turning several circles trying to decide which suicide method would be best, Sam sighed and headed to their room.

They where kissing again when someone banged loudly on the door.

"You guys! You awake?" Sam called.

"Busy!" Dean called grumpily, making a pouty face at Cas.

"Yeah, I'm aware. Please tell me you're dressed at least."

Dean looked at Cas, who shrugged and adjusted the blanket around his waist.

"Sorta. You've seen worse." Sam sighed heavily. "I'm coming in, you guys!"

Dean leaned over and whispered quickly, "Hey Cas, quick, get up and pose."

Sam walked in and frowned at their half-naked giggling. "Dance, too." Dean added, then gave Sam a grin. "Nothing." Sam sighed.

"Guys, are we gonna talk about this? At all?"

"You talk, Cas'll dance."Cas attempted a stern look for Sam's benefit, until Dean wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and he had to turn away, chuckling.

"Guys, c'mon. Tell you what, get dressed and we'll go eat, okay?"

Dean rolled his eyes, and Cas leaned out of the bed for his clothes. Dean winked at Sam, indicating what was apparently a good view from his angle. Sam groaned and shut the door.

Dean insisted that they needed showers and it would be much faster if they shared one. After a few minutes Sam went to knock and heard Cas say in a very strained voice,

"Dean we are on a schedule..."

"Yeah, well, we'll be quick then." Dean answered, and Sam heard a low moan.

He quickly turned and walked away, running a hand through his hair. It was like having your siblings sleeping together. In your house. All day, apparently.

Ugh.

can i get a halliyuah can i get an amen


End file.
